King of Hearts

There is been some cheer from unlikely quarters lately about affording certain rights to the gay community in India. More specifically, our Union health minister Ramadoss has called for legalizing homosexuality by repelling Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code that was imposed by the British.

The way I see it, this issue has nothing to do with being gay or straight but one of acceptance – and of respect for individual choices. As a society we are too concerned about shoving our own prejudices down other’s throats. It’s a bad habit that just won’t go away. We promote violence and war but decry love. We train people to fight and kill in public but throttle any public show of affection. We are programmed right from birth to hide our love and disguise our feelings. Parents dissuade love and propagate arranged marriages - it somehow makes them more secure and in control. It is the ‘social affairs’ that are celebrated while the love affairs are quashed. In this manner love disappears but the tradition of the family continues. Life becomes a game of poker emotions and the individual becomes the sacrificial lamb in the process but who really gives a damn! The family, the society the politicians are all afraid of the power of love - afraid of the freedom and the rebellion that comes when love is favored over tradition. We are so hung up on the issue of sexuality that even the thought of children having same sex partners are decried by family members. Emotional blackmail and fear of loss of face in society force many to toe the line of convention. You are made to discard the king of hearts in favor of an unwanted queen!

There is a false sense of security in controlling the lives of others – in keeping the so called social and moral fabric intact. They follow blindly without questioning the relevance or dangers of this regressive way of thinking. If being gay is a crime then so is being a Hindu or a Muslim or a Christian…that too is an accidental choice. Free citizens make that choice. Does following one faith or another faith or no faith at all make someone a better human being? Absolutely not! Likewise your partner preference should be of no one’s concern. It’s a private matter that should not and cannot be governed by any artificial law. The more they impose the more you will rebel – that is how it works - all prohibitions – all suppressions lead to uprising.

The question of tolerance is also worth debating. Who exactly is tolerating whom? There is a false notion that a progressive society should tolerate gays as an abnormal reality. If anyone is tolerating anyone, it’s the gay community that is tolerating all of the prejudice that they have to bear on an almost daily basis. All of the fear of being judged and even reprimanded by law if caught showing their affection. Changing the laws is one thing but changing the attitude is another and both are critical if there is to be any significant shift in the way we acknowledge, embrace and respect each other’s sexual preferences - It is only when we achieve this we would have achieved true freedom - true independence

While I was at B-school in Atlanta, my best friends were gay. Both Jim and Lewis were super nice, super talented, committed to loving each other and those around them. We spent a lot of time in intellectual debate - visiting art museums, galleries, quaint little book stores, we studied hard during assignments and partied harder like any other. We even went on holidays together – gay and straights friends sharing life together. In those two years if there was one thing that was clear it was this - being gay had nothing to do with anything. It never came in the way of our enduring friendship, it makes no dam difference and if it does, it only makes the world a kinder, gentler and a more beautiful place to live in. So who cares if you are a homosexual, bisexual, metrosexual or heterosexual? Just so long as you are sexual...!
Happy Independence and love to all - Abhay